(Source: sallymurphy)
You’d think that after crying so much, you wouldn’t be able to anymore. But nope, easily. I wish we could just go back to the day we met and start over again. If I had that chance, i’d do everything differently. I fucking miss how we used to be and how I never had to worry about anything. How it seemed that nothing could go wrong and we were just happy. Before I had to make you promise that I would see you, and before we stopped hanging out. Now everytime everything’s perfect, instead of enjoying that, I just wait and think of how quick things won’t be okay again. It really sucks knowing that nothing will probably never be the same. And I fucking hate that. I’d give anything to just stop and press rewind. I guess a person can only deal with so much waiting and second guessing. I always said how I could never see myself making one person my whole life, and now that it’s happened, it sucks. I’ve lost you. Even if I haven’t, and you say I haven’t, I know I have. I’ve lost the old you anyways. And the old me. The old us. I wish I could just curl up next to you, or know what to say to make it better, but I can’t. I wish everytime we talked about things, I didn’t forget everything I wanted to say. I wish you could see how much I really do fucking love you and how hard this is for me. No matter how much you say that we’ll always be a big part of eachother’s lives, I know sooner rather than later, we aren’t even going to talk. You’re gonna forget all about me. But will I? No. I’ll be sitting here wishing I could talk to you, wondering what you’re doing and if you’re okay. I wish you knew that no matter what, if we don’t talk, if we’re together, if you hate me, I will always fucking be here for you. When you have no one, i’m always here. And you’d probably say “you mean that now, but in the future you won’t”, but I will. I always will. I’m not about to tell you that i’m here for you if i’m not. I’m always here. Forever. It’s times like these where I wish you had a fucking tumblr. Fuck fuck fuck fuck I wish everything was different. I wish I wish I fucking wish. There’s so many things that I need to know. But I don’t think I ever will. I wish it was easier to get through to you. Or that you were like me, in the sense that as soon as I see your name on my phone, no matter what terms we’re on, what mood i’m in, or what i’m doing, i’ll always answer you, and never shut you out. I can’t deal with this. With wishing all of these things, without knowing so much, without you. I don’t even know anymore. I feeel like everything’s ruined and beyond being fixed. That’s the first time i’ve ever said that. Probably because i’ve started to believe it myself. I really just can’t believe what this has come to. To everyone who called me stupid and said I was just going to get hurt, I thought I would prove them all wrong. The thing is though, i’m stupid. I’m fucking stupid. Because no matter what you do, all I have to do is see your face and it makes me forget that I was ever mad. Fuck you for being able to do that. Do I have that effect on you too? I fucking wish. All I know is that I wanna wake up and have another chance. To make everything better. To start over. To be happy. To be what we used to be. To actually put in the effort and make changes. To give you what you need and deserve. My problem is that I took you for granted, like having you was a given and even if I messed up, i’d still have you. I should’ve treated you and talked to you like you did to me, the way I actually felt. I held so much back and I regret that more than anything. There’s so much I could’ve said and done. But I guess all my regrets won’t change anything. I’m so sorry. For everything. And I love you ):
